An Open Letter to the Devastated

If I could, know that:

I would confirm that it’s a dream for you, a nightmare and you shall wake up, love. I would not let you feel the pain that I remember all too well. I can’t protect you, no one can.  So, you will protect you.  Know that there will be a haze that moves in to do this. The haze allows you to accomplish the things that need to be done.  Decisions one should never have to make.  You’ll choose arrangements in the haze.  You couldn’t possibly feel it all and make these decisions. 

You’re protected, my love. 

 I would wrap my arms around you and not let go. I’d hold you if I could while you scream to the heavens.  Rage.  There will be rage.  You must let it out, my love.  Curse the heavens for a love lost too early.  I’ll wrap my arms around you and won’t let go until the air returns to your lungs.  You’ll collapse, collapse into my arms. Impossible to stand with no air left, I will sit at the bottom with you until your lungs fill once again. 

You’re safe, my love.

 I would help you to your knees.  Slowly, we emerge together.  Slowly we kneel.  Holding your hands in mine, we will beg.  You will replay all the times in which you weren’t perfect.  I will remind you that you were perfectly imperfect.  When we are truly loved, as you were, we are always loved for our flaws.  I’ll help you to your knees and monitor your self-talk while you beg.  We are hardest on ourselves while we are on our knees.  I will not allow you to suffer too long here.  It’s lonely and one-sided.  He’s not coming back to you as you know it. 

You’re loved, my love.

 I would open the curtains for you as mine were done for me.  I wouldn’t ask for much, only that you get out of the bed.  I would be present with you but not speak unless you asked me to.  I would hold my tongue tight as this is where damage can be done.  You are fragile and need nothing more than my presence.  Words are useless, banter simply annoying.  The darkness feels like home, and I will sit with you in it.  We will get up each day, open the curtains, but never fully move in.  I will not ask for you to navigate the darkness alone. 

You’ve got a light, my love.

 I will remember him with you.  I’ll tell you about the last time I saw him - how he made my whole day with his big smile and how he laughed at the fact that I didn’t recognize him without his beard.  His smile, bearded or not, was so warm.  Everyone that loves you will remember him with you.  If a quick chat with him in the Canadian Tire lineup warmed my heart like that, I can only imagine how he touched every other person in his short life.  Embrace others love for him too.

You’ve got an army of love, my love.