An Open Letter to You, My Former Friend.

Sometimes missing you keeps me up at night.  I think about how you might perceive me, my intentions, or what happened between us. I overthink, replay, and criticize myself far too much.  It’s 3am and you’re on my mind, all of you.  I guess there is a few things that I would like for you to know:

-       In the early days of us drifting, I thought about you all the time.  I checked in on your socials to make sure that you were happy and healthy.  I saw the quotes that very clearly were for my eyes.  I saw them and knew you were processing the demise much like I was.

-       My heart remains the same.  All of the things that you loved about it are still inside, it’s just the outside, when it comes to you, is guarded. 

-       Someone else has stepped into your former role.  I’m a good-ass friend and your exit just gave space for others who I saw qualities in.  I laugh until I cry with them.  The joy of friendship did not exit my life when you did.  I hope for you the same. 

-        I’ve taken my time and processed what happened: I hold myself accountable for my role and have worked hard to understand yours.  This processing that I do, the time it takes, and my revelations once completed, should not be new to you, as you know how I work.

-       If you ever needed me, I hope you know that I would be there.  Never question that.  If only thing can be held true, it is this. 

-       After I ran into you, I checked my phone more frequently.  I thought that, perhaps, my smile softened you to me.  Perhaps, just perhaps, my smile said everything that was left unsaid between us and you might have some things to say too.

-       I know that if we sat at a tiny table, coffee and tea between is, it would feel like not a day has passed.  I know this to be true because, former friend of mine, I’m still me and you’re still you.

It’s now 4am and both my heart and eyes feel heavy. 

Goodnight, Dear Friend.

xoxo